Ping Pong

June 16, 2021

I walk around with so much stirring inside of me, thoughts bounce like ping pong balls, coming and going, faster than I can even acknowledge their presence. I feel so much stirring inside my soul that I feel so strongly I need to release and set free. But yet I sit in front of the screen, paralyzed by the blinking cursor in front of me, and suddenly my mind is quiet. Maybe that’s part of the process. And to be honest, it’s the first time in my life I have experienced the silence. Such a strange phenomena, not thinking and over thinking and analyzing and problem solving and…you get the point. I’m no longer consumed by the thoughts bouncing around inside my head.

Outside of the confines of my own self created box that I have tried for as long as I can remember to fit inside of, is a whole new world in which I have the power to create and discover anything and everything. In some ways, it feels surreal. It’s too good to be true. But what lies on the other side of that doubt, is the most indescribable feeling of being free. I am free to create my life to be whatever I want and need it to be. It is limitless.

I’m in a course right now all about commitment. And it’s been an interesting process to look at the undeclared and hidden commitments that exist underneath all the “pretty ones.” I’m committed to my health, my family, growing and learning, etc. But what I’ve also been committed to in this life is being a victim, getting it right, remaining independent, people pleasing, being justified. And the crazy part is that what runs me in life is all the hidden and undeclared, the not so pretty parts of me that show up in life. And it’s those, that rob me, day in and day out, of my freedom to be me.

That’s it for now ya’ll. Sweetest of dreams to you. ❤