Magnetism

June 28, 2019

mag·net·ism/ˈmaɡnəˌtizəm/noun: magnetism

1. a physical phenomenon produced by the motion of electric charge, resulting in attractive and repulsive forces between objects.

2. the ability to attract and charm people. “His personal magnetism attracted men to the brotherhood.” Synonyms: allure, attraction, fascination, enchantment, appeal, draw, drawing power, pull, charm, seductiveness, sexual magnetism, animal magnetism, magic, spell, charisma.

When you meet someone and just feel a pull. You don’t know why, you don’t fully understand it, but it happens. You can dismiss it, you can avoid it, you can deny it… it’s still there.

Ok so this can go in two directions – one positive and one not so positive. I’ll get to both. So to start…

I believe whole heartedly in soul groups and the idea that there exists a deeper meaning to some (not all) of the magnetism we experience. Our soul group: it’s those people that we feel an unexplainable, harmonious, and energetically charged physical, mental, and spiritual connection to. We travel through lifetimes together…connections that transcend time and space. I find a lot of comfort in this, knowing that my people will always be with me in one form or another, showing me the way with obstacles, struggles, heartache, lessons, and love. And this is how so many really amazing and wonderful humans have come into my life and my circle. For that, I am so thankful.

But now, let’s shift that to the no so positive kind. My mind instantly went to Ted Bundy right there. I’m not sure if it’s because Zac Efron is on the brain (watch the new Netflix movie if you haven’t already), or if it’s actually Ted Bundy but regardless, he was a charmer. That irresistible smile, those words that just suck you in, the whirlwind romances and the “too good to be true” feelings that we can be so drawn to thanks to the culture of relationships that is portrayed in music, movies, books, etc. There’s this song that I have a love/hate relationship with that is a perfect example of this:

“I poured you a glass of wine and drank it for the second time Then 7 PM turned to 10 I’m still alone and my lips are red But not in a good way And you’re about to walk in that door and say some shit you said before You’re getting so repetitive I’m finishing your sentences But not in a good way I kinda like it when you hurt me ‘Cause you come over saying sorry So I put up with your lies just to have you for the night, baby I kinda like it when you hurt me I start believing all your stories But I’d rather hear you lie than hear you say goodbye to me”

This is NOT OK. But let’s go back to the love/hate thing for a moment. I love it because I can relate to it, but I hate it because this is was we listen to..this is what is idolized by so many young girls. This is not ok, never has been, never will be.

Ok, now this takes my head to abuse…and apparently this topic of magnetism and irresistible charm brings up a whole bunch of stuff for me. But I will save the mindfuck that mental abuse is for another post because it deserves more than just a blurb. So back to what I was saying before…

There can be so many reasons why we continue to allow ourselves to be sucked in to the pull of what we know is unhealthy, what we know is toxic, and what we know does not deserve our time, or space in our hearts or in our minds. BUT WE ALL DO IT.

We can go deep with this analysis and talk about growth and development, and different cognitive and psychoanalytic theories, but I’ll save you that one. I think I’ll keep it basic and go back to humans innate desire/need for love and belonging. That doesn’t differentiate between unhealthy and healthy, and we don’t all have the same understanding or beliefs about what a healthy relationship looks like. Based on our upbringing, our culture, our experiences, beliefs about self, our trauma, etc….people feel and experience love and belonging in different ways.

So what am I getting at with all of this? To be honest, I don’t exactly know. I think there are a couple things that I want you to take from this.

1. NOBODY deserves to be that person in those song lyrics. You don’t need it, it’s not ok, you don’t deserve it, and that is not what life or relationships is about. If you don’t feel worthy of anything more than that, talk to me. I promise you that I can convince you otherwise. And if I can’t, I’ll keep trying until you get so sick of me, that you just give in and start believing it for the sake of me leaving you alone.
   

2. Returning to relationships and/or situations that have caused you pain and heartache… happens. Don’t be too hard on yourself for re-opening old wounds. I think there is a reason for it and if it’s unclear right now, I think that with time you will find clarity and understanding of it all. Find the lessons in it. Use it as opportunities for growth. There is a purpose in processing and re-processing and re-processing. Just don’t lose yourself in the processing. If anything, try to use those opportunities as a chance to FIND yourself instead.
   

3. Don’t ignore the magnetism. EVERY person of your soul group will make an appearance in your life at one point or another. It may be positive, it may be negative. It may be long lasting, or it might be that a**hole that cuts you off in traffic and causes you to get into a fender bender. But know that there is meaning in everything. Sometimes these people feel like heaven, and other times they can feel like hell. Your perspective, your attitude, your beliefs…will determine how you feel about all of these encounters with your soul group. Allow yourself to be open, allow yourself to feel, allow yourself to process it all. Keep an open mind always. Explore alternative explanations, find the positive in the negative. Even when it hurts….even when it’s messy, and even when it feels like hell.