Gaslighting

July 24, 2019

Let’s talk about a little something called “gaslighting.” It is TOXIC, not ok, and a classic form of emotional abuse that I believe happens more often that we realize.

I’m a sucker for The Bachelor and Bachelorette series. I know…I know…but it’s my one and only reality show that I just seem to keep watching. Anyways, watching the last few episodes of The Bachelorette with Luke P. brought up some major anxiety and I honestly had to shut it off. If you watched, then it was a perfect example of gaslighting.

So what is it?

Ok, think of someone telling you something that isn’t true. “The grass is purple.” Repeatedly. At first, you know that it isn’t true. But after hearing it for so long, you start to think, “maybe it does kind of have a purple tint to it.” And before long, you’re full on believing the grass is purple.

It’s happens via MANIPULATION.

Take that a step further to being told this untrue statement until you believe it, then this person goes on to say, “I didn’t say the grass was purple. You misunderstood me.” Say WHAT?! So then you start to question yourself. “Maybe I did misunderstand,” “I guess that’s not what he said,” “Did I imagine the whole thing?”

So now imagine yourself in a relationship where it starts out as something subtle and of minimal importance (the grass is purple). And over time, it starts to happen more and more. Now it doesn’t just happen with something as simple as what color the grass is, but it references multiple topics, conversation, events, etc. Fast forward a little ways and now here you are, the person that used to be confident and strong and sure of yourself, now questions your own sanity and ability to listen and interpret the words and actions of others.

THAT my friends, is a classic form of emotional abuse, manipulation, blame-shifting, and ultimately…control. Whether it’s intentional, unintentional, acknowledged or unacknowledged, it is not ok. And it legit makes you feel like a crazy person. A pull your hair out, scream and yell, kind of crazy person. In your attempts to clarify and explain what was really said or done, you are met with denial by the other party, and you feel desperate to feel heard and understood. But that doesn’t happen. And instead, you constantly question yourself and reality.

Whether it’s subtle or severe, it’s not easy to deal with. And sometimes, it’s not easy to recognize either. If any of you have experienced something like this, please reach out to me. I’m not an expert, I most likely don’t have the answers or solutions, but I promise to listen.