Discovery

For as long as I can remember, I've planned e v e r y t h i n g.

I was just having a conversation today about how before I became a Mom, I had this vision of what it would look like. My kids would always be perfectly dressed, snotty noses cleaned, bows in their hair. I'd create Pinterest worthy holiday and birthday celebrations, never miss a Back 2 School night or those adorable first and last day of school photos.

Reality Check: I do none of those things....consistently. And it's beautiful. Adalynn is my little free spirited soul with unwashed and unbrushed hair that rocks unicorn pajama pants with a mismatched tie dye t-shirt. Aribella rocks oversized t-shirts out of my closet with blue light glasses and the cutest little hairstyles. We missed back 2 school night for both girls last week and I just last minute ordered some curbside pick up school supplies before the first day of school tomorrow. We didn't celebrate Easter with surprise baskets full of sugar this year or last. And Christmas was pretty small in terms of material items but full of so much love and gingerbread house making and movies.

Motherhood isn't something you can plan for. It's just one big day to day, moment to moment lesson where you walk in thinking you know something and end up walking away saying, "Wow, I really don't know anything at all." Providing the space for the girls to be who they are has been an interesting phenomena. Challenging in all the right ways because there's this overwhelming need to control them, teach them, tell them all the things. But parenting doesn't really work that way. It's about personal discovery.

Information is important. Knowledge is important. But it's through personal discovery that we truly grow.

I was a consumer of information for so long. I read everything I could get my hands on. I listened to all the self-help audio books, trauma healing, podcasts, etc. that I could get my hands on. For years, I collected all these quotes that would remind me that I wasn't alone. The quotes, the books, the information ... it all got tucked away in the back of my mind for safe keeping. But it didn't change anything. It didn't shift who I was being in life. Not at all.

So as much as I constantly want to fill the girls minds with all the things, all the information, protect them from making the mistakes I did, or learning things the hard way...I'm doing it a little bit different. It's a moment to moment creation that sometimes works and sometimes doesn't, but we roll with the punches and love each other a whole heck of a lot.

Life...what a beautiful journey.